Chapter 61
"Time is a great teacher but it kills its students."
- Get Up, The Supreme Court!
It was more ten years, and these words were the first thought which wake up this morning, Andrei. The i Ronie of fate, where he was serving his sentence, housed in a former monastery. Sometimes Andrey felt that it was okay. And what distinguishes he life of the monk and the prisoner? The prisoner has to serve his sentence in isolation, but by the monk himself chose isolation. The work was his distraction, when it was. Andrei was depressed because nobody came to see, send letters or parcels. To those comrades who had relatives behind prison walls, everything was easier, and perhaps more difficult. Andrei was alone. Sonia did not answer. Sonia Find this does not seem real to Andrei. Each new day he past as a year through his consciousness. He was abandoned by all, and it was rejected. In his mind, at the same time ran a terrible cold that is doing an incredible way of bubbling anger. Andrei was beautiful and young, but he will never become a beloved, a lover, a father. He was painfully wounded by the joy on the faces of prisoners, when they received letters from their relatives, in which They wrote they love and expect. His fellow inmates, after reading these letters seemed to get stronger, it seemed they had a power source outside of which was that emotional wounds heal. Andrei was acutely aware of any disability, not an opportunity to share his worries of a troubled soul, so he wanted to speak with tenderness, feelings, to trust and share secrets. But to whom? Who would believe that he was not guilty in death of Shura? Who could understand? As he wanted to take a drop of happiness, love and be loved! What did he know of freedom in her 19 years ago? Small moments of happiness after a colony is the time spent in the attic with his friends, and then it's soft hands of Sonia. Andrei did not know that it is a curse, but he cursed his life again, day after day. Who was not in that situation, will not understand what Andrei thought night. But he knew he would be released and the place to discover who he is serving his sentence. The worst of - it is solitude in the crowd. From there it became apparent depression and physical problems and mental illness. Loneliness as a contagious virus. It makes people suspicious, rejected by society. Andrei experienced the pain of loneliness among his fellows behind a high fence. Around the fence there are dogs. A Solid wire extends around the spine. You're broke. Your friends have forgotten you long ago. You no longer believe man. You're crazy at all. The monotonous days passed. Around the grid convoy walks. Prison - is the science of science, his world is cruel and thin. It teaches us to understand who is man who is a bastard . Today, just one day, Nejin, Sonia deceived by rain with Andrei went to Agafia in a big house. That day he became a man. He was in a previous life. And now he was sitting near the barred window and looked like a sparrow pieces of bread in her nest, where his girlfriend is white chicks. And my children? Where are my children? - Andrei thought. After all thing, I soon 32 years, I could already have children ... It's good for the birds is no law that can put this little sparrow in prison because he had stolen in the cafeteria a crust of bread. But through all the bitter thoughts, Andrei knew that one day he will come here and find Sonia. Maybe she married and happy in France. But his heart told him that this is wrong, that something was wrong. It is unlikely he will be able to touch her hair, caress, kiss and reassure the person precious to him. P eine . But he still photos. He hid them in his hideout in the apartment of his father. At least one photo. If these photos could be here, he'd better remember Sonia, and the places in Paris where they were walking in the evening. "Call, call me, call me," said Sonia, find me. "Andrei repeated again and again until the pain became unbearable. He could not resist. And he began to hit on the fingers of the wall. Be strong - he wrote with his finger in blood on the gray wall of the air. But in his heart toyed with the idea that he and Sonia are together, they do have two pieces of the universe, and if he hears the children laughing or the voice of an angel, who calls him "Dad, Dad, I'm Marielle, everything will be fine, just be patient, your hatred is not yet matured. "Even after his release from prison, dreaming of Andrei wanted to flee, flee. The whole camp was asleep, and he runs out of breath on a snowy field. It is soaked with sweat. Penetrating noisily through the trees. He falls into a swamp greedy. The Sheepdogs barking somewhere. He sprinkled tobacco to hide the smell. It goes to a stream to divert the prosecution. It is becoming increasingly close.
Waking, he remembered the verses of his friend jail.
"Often, a loyal friend - is your enemy,
But the enemy, in fact-it's a brother.
Yes, the cross does not indicate
What in heaven to us someone happy.
A prison - is not a reason
rupture life, as a pencil.
And winter in the forest-n is not cold
Only the landscape.
The rain-out is not a storm,
Sleeping with a woman - is not love.
They all - do not mean happiness,
broken nose - does not mean the blood.
And the crowd - not a nation
Winner - not a confession. "It was
a long poem. But what? There was s uffisamment time of solitude, to kill a human in a man, but also to compose long poems.
In these days of solitude, Andrei felt that his hatred is matured. And he felt he was ready to kill someone or yourself. He stood alone in the yard when the gate of the prison returned a priest.
Chapter 60
Sonia knew she could not continue. Andrei did not answer. Instead of his familiar voice indigestible Sonia heard the voice of the operator. He indicated that the subscriber is unavailable and asked to recall later. Sonia recalled the last time, but the result was the same. Finally, Sonia decided not to recall. She was wounded in his soul, in its center. It seemed that c ette pain, like a canvas spider tangled and stuck the whole body. It was impossible, impossible to sleep, breathing, thinking, seeing people, every action has not caused physical pain and sometimes painful internal incomprehensible.
She thought that because a person feels at the last second of life when she realizes that it impossible to come back here, without seeing the parents, their homes, never to return, and this time, unlike at the last minute of life is repeated again and again. You can not get used to it.
whole life of Sonia, as the book of his grandmother, was paraded before his eyes, and even without pictures and almost without text. The v of the games, terrible, pathetic notebook. The cold blew from the inside.
-So you think this pain with which you have existed for so long that life will end by the will of God.
"I think that time is near. I can not describe my feelings, and it will not help.
- Do you Sonia, that people you do not see, or rather they do not want to see you, you do not need it, you don & rsquo ; not exist, you're the shadow, discreet and mysterious. It what I felt.
- Did you want to scream? - Sonia asked a nun
The nun took off her towel warm front, the ice melted rapidly changed because of fever é Sonia rose slowly recovered from the new ice wrapped in a towel on his forehead, there was a feeling she was thinking, before answering the question of Sonia.
- I cried, but nobody could hear me well, the sensation of pain faded. Then the pain became worse, more disgusting, desire to live did not return at all.
- But, in fact, go, too, must have strength, that I have this pain I had been emptied! - Sonia closed his eyes and hot tears rolled down her cheeks.
The nun was sitting on a chair beside him and asked:
- Want to hear a story?
Sonia nodded. The nun began to tell a parable: "
There once was a boy. He had a terrible temper. His father tried to influence his son tried to put in place, but the boy has not changed. One day his father gave him a bag of nails and told him to drive a nail into the wall of the garden every time he lost his patience or quarrel with someone. the first day, the boy scored 40 nails. During the following weeks, he tried to restrain himself, and the number of nails hammered daily diminished. It turned out that deterred more easily than nails ... Finally the day came when the boy did not score in the end a single nail. Then he went to his father and told him that. His father told his son to pull a nail from the end of each day that he will not lose patience. Days followed days, and finally, the boy was able to tell his father that he took the fence all the nails.
His father brought his son to the fence and said
- My son, you are well behaved, but look at the holes in the fence! It will never be as before.
When you're arguing with someone and say words that can hurt you inflict a wound to his friend, as this hole nails. Can pull a nail, you can ask forgiveness of another, but the wound remains. A spiritual wound brings as much pain as the body.
- Very interesting - Sonia whispered and closed his eyes. She remembered that she had read something like this on the Internet, when she went to Andrei computer club in Krasnodar. There was such a dish similar. And yet, he was told he must give more to people they expect and do it that way with everyone.
-When you say "I love you" mean it. When you say "I'm sorry," look in the eyes of the person. Do not make fun of others' dreams.
You can get a lot of emotional wounds, but it's the only way live your life. Speak up slowly but think quickly. If it asks you a question you do not want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
Remember that great love is very successful and it brings together as much danger. When you lose and you lose a lot, removed the lesson from that.
Think of a triad: self-respect, respect for others, responsibility for their actions.
Do not let indifference destroy a great friendship.
Mouse when you talk on the phone. Whoever is calling you, mark the direction in your voice. Remember: if you do not get something you wanted, it's also a chance. "
Sonia remembered this simple truth, almost by heart, because they seemed important. Now, all words thought are important.
- Can you tell me - Sonia asked the religious - why have you gone into a convent?
- Sure I can. On another occasion a nun has never and will never talk to anyone. But now ... She knew that Sonia was dying, she can never solve the mystery. She wanted to talk, to remove the heavy stone soul. - I went to see the nuns because I had so many disappointments in my life. My vexation helped me to renounce the world easily. The monastery we cut the sins of our ancestors, we still have that personal sins, so it is easier to escape to save his soul.
-Yesterday, I prayed, "- said Sonia - I asked God to move me to another reality ;. And suddenly I heard a voice: "You're already in a different reality. "Then I remembered the sins of Andrei, how he got hurt. But I decided to resign, wait that the Lord will do everything himself in his place. I am no longer with Andrei, I have nothing to do with his dastardly deeds? - Well, - said the nun - and even better-that is to forgive him. Pray and ask God to open your your way. And now sleep quietly, as if nothing had past. The s Oeur considered the state of Sonia as the last glimmer of life force. A nun walked away quickly, and soon returned with a Father of the monastery. Sonia was surprised by the sound of opening an old door and opened his eyes. - Well, are you ready? - Request a Father gently and kindly.
- Want to be a nun? Sonia replied in the affirmative, and Father began the religious ceremony of a nun. Before the eye of the spirit of
- I'll ...
And she walked away.
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